So, here we are. I never pictured myself at this point in life. Children always seemed nice and sure I'd like to have one SOME day. That some day just seemed like a dream, like a fairytale just looming out in the future. My friends all got baby-fever and I didn't catch it. I began to feel like I'd be the one to not have kids. I've been married longer than most of them and am probably even a little more financially stable. What was my problem? Why didn't I want to have kids? Did I just miss out on the mommy gene? That couldn't be it. I love kids! I would take my friends kids for overnight visits and just have fun with them. Still didn't get the desire to have one of my own.
Then it hit. There it was. The morning I awoke and knew that I wanted a baby and I wanted it now. It took a little more time for froggydaddy to get on board (8 months actually), but I wasn't going to rush him. I knew how it felt to be pressured and having a child was not so important to me that I would decieve or push my husband to it. We don't have that kind of relationship. I did push him to talk about it, which he wouldn't, and then it happened. He woke up one day (not suprising, the same day we had the appointment with the high-risk OB) and he was ready - no rhyme, no reason, we're just ready. That's how things go in our lives.
We had a lot to think about. The biggest one being my kidney disease, then there's the military, and moving around, and well the list could go on forever. The only one I ever considered a true issue was my kidneys. For 7 years, I've been diagnosed with IgA nephropathy. It's an immune system disorder that affects my kidneys. For the past 6 years I've had regular flare-ups. Pain and kidney damage that really limited our possibility for a healthy pregnancy. Then they stopped happening so often. I don't know why and originally I just was thankful. Then after our doctor's appointment I realized that maybe the stars had aligned just right and that God knew it was our time and He was going to make it a little easier, or at least make our decision a little easier.
As I mentioned, we met with a high-risk OB as a preliminary measure. We wanted hear his take on our situation, my disease and pregnancy. We are planners, we like answers to questions, and we certainly weren't going to be any different with this situation. My disease is an "old people's disease", and it's a relatively newly discovered disease so there isn't much known about it as far as treatment, and especially not pregnancy. One of the doctors in the group has a special interest in kidney's and talking to her made us very optimistic. The chances of us having a completely normal pregnancy is good, I'm just at an increased risk for all the same things that a "normal" person is. Instead of 10 - 15%, mine might be 20 -25%. That's still pretty good odds to me.
The funny part? I went on depo-provera for a 3 month stint over a year ago and I still haven't menstruated (tmi? oh well, it's a mommy-blog now so get over it). The docs laughed when I told them this and said, well at least we know you're prepared. Now that we're both ready, there's no reason not to, we've just got to get me ovulate. Froggydaddy even looked at me in the doctor's office and told me to go ahead and ovulate already, he was ready to have a baby.
So, here we are. Not pregnant. Not really trying. Just not actively preventing pregnancy with the hopes of being pregnant before the end of the year.