The Lily Pad

Sometimes as adults life can overwhelm and we need to take a much needed pause from our normal pace of life.  That is why there were a total of two posts in July.  Life just kind of got in the way and there was so much to say but I didn't know where to begin or what to say.  I still don't, I just know the blog has been neglected and I don't like it. We are currently in Asheville, NC where we have been taking a much needed rest and visit with family.  I had hoped this trip would be full of excitement and we would be on the go constantly, but we have actually been fairly mellow with some awesome things thrown in and it has been perfect.  My coping mechanism during deployment is to stay busy, to constantly be go go going so that I'm so tired at the end of the day I can't even think enough to be sad.  It's harder to do that with a two year old because when she gets tired and melts down all I can think about is how much it sucks to be going this alone. We ha...

Everyone always talks about how empty their bed seems when their spouse is deployed.  I find the exact opposite to be true.  Here is a list of things in my bed currently: 4 pillows 3 baby dolls 2 pooh bears 1 large teddy bear 3 blankets for the baby dolls 5 books To be added to the bed in about an hour: 1 Daddy doll 1 2 year old 1 Mommy 1 laptop and any other item needed by the 2 year old for tonights slumber. Somehow having my Marine home and in bed is going to be so much less crowded!

Yay?

We are almost to the halfway point of this deployment.  Yay!  But also Boo!  I am reaching that point where I no longer just miss Chris, but I feel like a whole entire piece of me is missing.  I lay in bed and wonder when it will be full again and when I wake up on the weekends I miss our morning cuddles as a family.  It's been 3 months since I've had that and it'll be 4 more before I have it again.  Typing it out like that makes me think of running a race...well, walking it actually, cause we all know I don't run.  We're too far in to give up and just head to Denny's for breakfast, but the finish line is just so far away that I wanna go sit on that wall over there and wait for a ride. To say that I miss Chris is so inadequate, but I cannot formulate the words to express just how deeply it goes.  I am at the point where I'm gonna have to have an ugly cry before I can get better, but the tears just aren't falling hard enough.  I know my othe...

First we have a toddler with a butterfly on her face.  I'm pretty sure she would wear make-up like this daily if I let her.  Butterflies in the floral arrangement for Granny.  She loved butterflies, and I know she loved this arrangment.  sillines  Rolled jeans and red chucks.  Doesn't get any cuter!  A new hat?  This is how I found her after running in the house, she'd grabbed her skirt (an extra one) and put it over her head.  Obviously the roses did fabulously during our trip.  I counted 75 blooms.  I'm blaming exhaustion and a long day at LINKS but tonight I bought Madelyn a fish tank...complete with fancy goldfish, 4 neons, and a frog (duh).  This is our very round, very blurry (apparently) fancy goldfish. But I'm thrilled that the pizza box in is focus.  Deployment cooking at it's best.

I've been hiding in frump for way too long now.  As in 2 years too long.  Today I was digging through the drawer for a sports bra and realized all the frumpy stuff in THAT drawer!  Who has frumpy underthings?  What does that say about a person that even their underwear drawer is frumpy?  No, really.  I have a strapless bra that is being held together with a safety pin.  Yeah.  I think it's time for that to go to the dump. I am once again on a journey to lose weight and become healthier.  My thighs are screaming about it already after doing 3 miles of lunges up hill.  OK, maybe it was barely a fraction of a mile, but it was uphill!  So in order to help keep me motivated, I'm gonna take the frump to the dump and forbid myself to wear any "comfy" clothes outside of the house.  Unless I'm just going to Denise's cause her house doesn't count as the public.  I'm not even going to let my workout clothes be too frumpy dumpy beca...

It's probably true. I am kind of a crazy eater. Especially when left to my own devices and not having another person requiring me to make an appropriate meal. Madelyn is content with a hot dog, macaroni and cheese, a peanut butter sandwich, or any number of other easy one person things for dinner. Me...I like weird stuff. During deployment, especially before Madelyn, you will be hard pressed to find anything in my house to make a traditional meal. I get weird cravings for food and then I modify it so that it doesn't require too much effort. After all, I'm not going to put forth a ton of effort for a meal just for me. Want proof? My current go-to snack, meal, thing I can't get enough of is: an eggroll wrapper (that I bought to make eggrolls with but forgot to get anything to go in them) with a tablespoon of pizza sauce, 4 slices of pepperoni and some mozzerella cheese. No, I don't cook it, I just roll it up and chow down. I've eaten 7 today...as in all thre...

Last night I emailed Chris pictures of the "Daddy skirt" for his viewing pleasure since he cannot facebook or check blogs. I mentioned that I was proud of it and which blouse I used to make it, nothing else really in the email. Today I recieved a phone call and among the rest of our conversation, out of the blue, he says: "That skirt is cute as hell." Coming from a man who usually says "It looks good." or "It looks fine", this is a huge compliment! I am so happy that he is happy with it, afterall I did destroy one of his cami blouses to make it. :)

Let me preface this with two very important facts. 1.  Water is freaking expensiv e out here. 2.  Two neighbors whose houses were built by the same builder have had water pipes in the concrete slab burst causing weeks of work and damage. On Saturday afternoon I walked into the master bathroom only to hear that the toilet was running. Being the super handy woman I am, I lifted the lid off the tank to assess the situation and found that the floaty bulby thing had broken off the arm thingy that it lifts to plug the hole (bet you didn't know I knew such fancy plumbing words huh?).  I replace the lid and bend down to the turny off knob and turn off the water.  Tada!  Fixed til somebody comes to fix it.  Right? Wrong. Sunday evening I walk in that bathroom just to check on things and notice a decent amount of water in the floor.  I assess the situation and find that the turny off knob is dripping water.  Hmm.  It's a small little bitty l...

Early this afternoon, Madelyn and I were reading a book and we heard the doorbell. Madelyn immediately says "Daddy's here!" and I have to remind her that Daddy is "bye bye" and won't be home for a whole bunch of sleeps. We go to the door and peep out the peep hole only to see that nobody is there...so that means there's a package! Woohoo! We love packages. I pick up the box and see immediately that it's addressed to Madelyn and know that it is her "Daddy Doll". I am not sharing the first video I took of her opening it, it was very personal for her and she walked away from the camera and me to have a moment to herself. She is doing very well, but I can tell she's not sure how to process things, I'm not even sure how to process things so it's understandable. I'm just glad that she is expressing herself and hopefully soon we'll be able to find a way for her to express herself that doesn't involve a full on meltdown. :...

The nsfbs in the title indicates that this post is Not Safe For Bonnie's Sanity. She will choose to read it at her own risk. I cannot be held accountable. If your husband is deployed or deploying soon, it may not be safe for you either. Enter at your own risk. I started writing these deployment posts as they were happening, in the interest of opsec (operational security) they haven't been posted in real time. As the posts and events get more general, they'll be a little more up to date. As of this posting, Chris has already deployed. The other day I had a conversation wherein I disclosed to my dear friend that I was feeling very indifferent about Chris' departure. I wasn't feeling the sense of dread I expected, I was just going about my business as if the 7 month deployment to a war zone was just another week in the field. It was kind of nice. I was proud of how strong I was being, although a little sad that I could be so heartless. Was this what 10 years of marriag...

Part three in the story of our first war time deployment. Catch up on parts 1 and 2 below. In the coming days and weeks I heard from Chris very little. I continued to write him daily and I collected newspapers for him. I didn't read them. I went on a media strike. Each morning and each night I turned on FoxNews and watched the bottom ticker for about 5-10 minutes and that was it. I didn't even listen to the news cast that was on. I just wanted to get a general update. I hated the body count, I still do. There is no need for it. I hated the randomness of it all. I just wanted to know one thing. Was Saddam dead or in custody yet. Once that happened I knew we'd be on the downhill slide and that's all I really cared about. I didn't know all that would be involved in the coming months and years. The details are fuzzy. My days, nights, and weeks all ran together. I remember the base was like a ghost town. It was sad and creepy all at once. The organization I worked for de...

Here is part II of my original post about our first war time deployment. I read this and realize that so many of the feelings are still true leading up to this deployment. Catch up on Part 1 HERE I am thankful that Chris left in the morning of a work day – it forced me out of bed and into my job of providing services for other military families. I had been up all day Sunday with getting things ready and preparing for the inevitable. He was supposed to leave at 9 p.m., I waved goodbye to him through a bus window at 2 a.m. Those hours were hard on me. I just wanted to sit and snuggle and cherish our last few minutes. He had to run around and make sure everything was ready. His anxiety and excitement wouldn’t let him sit with me in the heated car. Eventually he did and another Marine climbed into our backseat to get away from the cold and to rest a few minutes. At 2:15 I followed the bus out of the base, the route that Chris and I both took to go home every single day, the only difference...

Since all 4 (serioulsy people? that's all that commented? I need more readers!!!) of my commenters suggested leaving my deployment posts here, I guess I will oblige you. There are a few in the works as I am in full on preparation mode. I have some rules though, so listen up. 1. I will not EVER give dates, times, or places. You won't be reading in real time, there will be a delay whenever something is date specific - such as departure day. 2. I won't answer questions about specific dates, times, or places. So don't ask via the blog. If you know me in real life and want to ask, call me. I may or may not be able to answer. 3. Play nice. These are my thoughts and feelings and might not be right for everyone. You are entitled to your opinion and I encourage you to share even if it differs from my own, but do it nicely. No attacks. 4. DO NOT ever put specific information you may have about my husbands unit or a different unit in your comments. They will be del...