Hitting the wall...

We are almost to the halfway point of this deployment.  Yay!  But also Boo!  I am reaching that point where I no longer just miss Chris, but I feel like a whole entire piece of me is missing.  I lay in bed and wonder when it will be full again and when I wake up on the weekends I miss our morning cuddles as a family.  It's been 3 months since I've had that and it'll be 4 more before I have it again.  Typing it out like that makes me think of running a race...well, walking it actually, cause we all know I don't run.  We're too far in to give up and just head to Denny's for breakfast, but the finish line is just so far away that I wanna go sit on that wall over there and wait for a ride.

To say that I miss Chris is so inadequate, but I cannot formulate the words to express just how deeply it goes.  I am at the point where I'm gonna have to have an ugly cry before I can get better, but the tears just aren't falling hard enough.  I know my other military friends know how I feel.

I have a ton of wonderful things in my life right now, fun things, exciting things, fabulous things.  But I can't enjoy them completely until I have the ugly cry.  I feel blah.  Despite a huge announcement that is coming on Friday, a trip home in July, having family living locally for the first time our entire marriage, beautiful summer weather, a sweet little girl, and so many other things I can't even name them all, yet here I sit on my wall.

I guess I'm gonna have to go sit in his car, look at pictures, and listen to his music so that I can get off this stinking wall and finish our race.

Comments

Amanda said…
My heart breaks for you, Katrina. (((hugs)))
haagx5 said…
i feel the same way! if only it were over now. this month is just dragging by though. hopefully once we get into the swing of summer things will pick up :)
Tammy said…
I wanna give you a great big hug girlfriend! Hang in there! Easier said than done, I know.
Bonnie said…
Deployments blow. I hate them. Everything you said, it's exactly how I feel. I just feel like "I miss you" is just empty... there are no words that describe how lost I feel without my husband. Well, in a few weeks we can get together and have a VERY ugly cry. I'm due for one very soon.

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