Hello there sunshine,
I can’t find the words to describe how much I love being pregnant with you, how close to you I feel, how wonderful it is to feel you moving around in there, to know that you’re doing OK. I love watching my belly dance with your movements, feeling the slightest change in position. I’m sorry for jiggling you up trying to get you to move just a little more for Daddy, it’s just so darn cute! You can ask the dog…we like cute and have a really hard time leaving it alone, but I promise once we have you in our arms we’ll work hard to not disturb you too much. There will times where I will just have to eat your toes and I apologize now for that, but it’s a flaw and I am OK with it.
We keep going back and forth on names for you and while we have a couple we really like, we’re terrified that they won’t be your name. Every other decision we have made for you thus far we have been able to research safety features, customer reviews and added in friend’s personal experiences to make what we feel is the right decision. That was easy. It was easier to choose a car seat that will be your protection in a car accident than it has been to choose your name. We can buy a new car seat, we can buy a new anything that we screwed up deciding on up to this point, but your name? It’s yours forever and we want to make sure it suits you. I keep trying to think of you as a having a certain name and so far nothing has fit quite the way I want it to. It looks like you’re going to be a baby who gets her name in the hospital and I’m perfectly OK with that. It keeps me from having your name monogrammed on everything I can.
Next week we get to see you again. I know that you don’t really like the ultrasound machine and you run from it until you find a comfortable snuggly spot against me and then you sit so still, so preciously still with your little legs crossed and your hands at your face that I want to hold you right then and tell you that it’s all OK. This time we’re just checking to make sure that you’re growing as big and as strong as you should be. Mommy has a kidney disease and that could prevent you from growing like you should and we need to make sure that’s not the case and if it is then it’s still early enough for me to do even more to give you everything you could possibly need to be strong. I can’t help but to be excited to see how much you’ve grown since last time. It’ll have been 6 weeks since our last ultrasound and I just know we’re going to be amazed at your growth and changes.
In the past six weeks mommy learned that she wasn’t getting enough protein for herself, you were getting enough but it wasn’t leaving enough for mommy and was dipping low enough that it could have started to affect you if left alone, so I have eaten more meat, peanut butter, eggs and dairy each day than I think I used to eat in one week. Daddy enjoys the change because he is a meat eater through and through and now that all meals include some sort of meat he is a happy camper. I hope that the changes have been enough because I’m a little afraid of becoming the woman who eats steak 3 meals a day and has 5 half-eaten packs of beef jerky in her car. But for you, I will be that woman, for you I will do anything.
I love you, my very sweet, my very precious, my very active little baby girl.