"You have fig farts!"
"How am I supposed to know if a crib mattress is too hard or too soft? Lay one down on the floor in the middle of infants r them and lay on them one at a time? Just how do you expect me to get up off the floor when I'm done?"
"They can hoist you with the toy nets."
"Your fart just woke up your infant son becuase it smells so bad?"
"Cheese is not art!"
"You need to stop eating the fig newtons."