The Lily Pad

This past weekend we visited our family and Madelyn was so well behaved! After the first night of it taking an hour to get her to sleep because she had never seen that spot! that one right there! before. Oh wait, there's a different wall here beside my crib, what's that shadow? I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP! She did great. She played, laughed, smiled and charmed everyone she met. She went to bed easily and slept for hours. For the first time this weekend she reached for me. I loved it. I would pass her off to somebody just so that I could hold out my arms and have her return the gesture and grab my neck and plant a huge slobbery kiss on me. She was a perfect little angel. Then we came home. The only logical explanation for the fussy baby, lack of napping, and total abandonment of nighttime sleep is that my baby hates me. I know that I have given her life and nursed her and cared for her every waking moment of her life, but she doesn't care...she hates me. Either tha...

My first mothers day came and went with little affair. I woke up with a headache and feeling like I was getting sick so Chris took Madelyn and let me sleep an extra 2 hours. It was fabulous! I then got up and played with a very happy baby for a few hours and we all loaded up and tried out a new Mexican restaraunt down the street. It was a low key day, but very nice to spend time with the family. Being a mother has totally changed my life. I know I say this all the time but I am constantly amazed at the little being that has invaded our lives. It's not always easy, but I can't imagine not having her greet me with little smiles and giggles, to have her growl at me as she rolls around on the floor, to have her cry so pitifully when I walk out of the room. I wouldn't trade all of the sleepless nights, headaches exasperated by a crying baby, poopy diapers, pee soaked pajamas, or milk covered shirts for anything. It's all a wonderful part of being a mother. Every lit...

My breasts are no longer safe. They tremble with fear at each feeding, it is like they are going swimming in the ocean with a huge man eating shark who has tasted blood and wants more. Except they aren't swimming and the thing with teeth is Madelyn. This morning as Madelyn was laying in bed beside me playing and I was attempting to make the most of my time in bed by having my eyes closed, I was kicked in the face, had my nose pinched, got smacked in the forehead with a pacifier and then, most startling of all, had my finger bit. With teeth. Teeth that she didn't have yesterday. Teeth that slipped through the gums without so much as a hint of discomfort. Two teeth...plural of tooth. Twin teeth of doom. Teeth that are sure to wreak havoc on things, said things being my mammaries. She has spent this morning discovering the new teeth by working her lips and her tongue and gnawing on everything. OK, the gnawing thing isn't new...she has done that for months. She loves t...

Tonight is the second night I have let my daughter cry herself to sleep. It breaks my heart. She is a very stubborn little girl and boy is she pissed. She's not sad, not crying that cute little cry, no, she is upstairs screaming a pissed off baby scream and when I go in for my 10 minute pacifier replacement and butt pat, she glares at me. I know that she needs this, she needs to go to sleep on her own, she sleeps better when she does and sleep is important for 6 month old babies. I guess this is just one of the many times that my daughter will hate me for making her do what I know is best for her. I can't stand it, I can't stand hearing her cry. It is killing me, I just want to scoop her up, press her against me. I hate thinking about what she must feel towards me right now. She doesn't understand, but I know. I know this is best. I know it with every fiber of my being, and I just wish I could help her understand, to let her know. She did this Friday night an...