Working without a net...

Tonight is the second night I have let my daughter cry herself to sleep. It breaks my heart. She is a very stubborn little girl and boy is she pissed. She's not sad, not crying that cute little cry, no, she is upstairs screaming a pissed off baby scream and when I go in for my 10 minute pacifier replacement and butt pat, she glares at me. I know that she needs this, she needs to go to sleep on her own, she sleeps better when she does and sleep is important for 6 month old babies. I guess this is just one of the many times that my daughter will hate me for making her do what I know is best for her.

I can't stand it, I can't stand hearing her cry. It is killing me, I just want to scoop her up, press her against me. I hate thinking about what she must feel towards me right now. She doesn't understand, but I know. I know this is best. I know it with every fiber of my being, and I just wish I could help her understand, to let her know. She did this Friday night and slept 8 straight hours without a peep. Last night she fell asleep in my arms and barely made it 3 and was up and down all night. I know this is best.

I ignored the books when she was a newborn, I thought I knew better...and at that stage in her life I did. She was sleeping fine after falling asleep on me, 6-7 hours regularly before she was 3 months old. Then she stopped being a good sleeper and after trying multiple things, this is the last and best option. Last time it took an hour and a half. We're reaching the 90 minute mark tonight...when does it get easier? When does she realize that it's just easier to go to sleep?

I took the pack n play out of our room so that I wouldn't be tempted to have her in there with us. I put the rail on our bed because when she gets up at 5 or 6 in the morning, I want her in bed with me. There is nothing in the world better than waking up to that precious little girl. I don't want to start my day any other way. I open my eyes and look right into her big blue eyes, or I feel her little hand on my cheek. I won't give that up, not without a fight...or until she's sleeping ALL night in her own bed.

88 minutes...silence.

I know it's best, but why does it have to hurt so much? I know it hurts me worse than it does her, at least I hope it does.

I hope that in the morning she forgives me.

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