Thursday, November 20, 2008

Out of place...

A little more serious post and a couple cute pictures as a distraction.

Look, it's a sweet baby in a bears head...


Being a Marine wife is who I am, it is in my blood, I have been living this life for 8 years now and I love it. I love what it means to be a part of something as wonderful as the Marine Corps, an institution where chivalry is still alive, where men and women aren't afraid to stand and die for something bigger than themselves, where the feeling of family is all encompassing. I am so proud of my husband, of his contribution to the country and his dedication to an entire nation of people who may or may not support him.

I miss being near/on a military base. I am now living in a very liberal town, a town I grew up in but that I now don't feel a part of. I know that part of my problem is me, it's my own preconceived notions of how the people of this town look at me, look at my husband and our choice to be a military family. I know that I am probably not being judged as much as I feel like I am, but I feel completely and totally out of place.

I feel out of place with my clothes, I think I dress fairly stylish but the 20-30 something moms who stay at home in this area dress much more grunge, more earthy. I feel weird at the storytime in my dress flats, jeans, button shirt and sweater. I probably look like some weird stuck up mom. It's funny because I know people who are more "natural" or "grunge" and they feel like they are being judged, I feel much more judged than I would think they should. I am the minority when it comes to my age group in the city, at least people my age who I would actually want to associate with.

The funny thing is that I am probably more like them than is immediately obvious except I don't smoke, don't listen to indi-rock, and I dress a little differently. I believe in live and let live, I don't like closeminded people, don't like judgment, and I hate it when people are intolerant of somebody who is different.

For the past two weeks I have been timid in going out to mommy groups for fear of being judged, for fear of exposing my daughter to the possibility of a negative attitude towards our status as a military family. I don't ever want her to be anything less than proud of her daddy and what he has and will do for our country. I am fine with people who have differing opinions, but I am not quite prepared for the emotional reaction I could have if confronted.

If you think I'm crazy with my thoughts and feelings try googling Asheville and read up on the protests and controversy that this town loves to have. They actually had to designate separate corners for the anti-war protestors and the support the troops rallies. The KKK likes to march through the government housing areas on MLK day. The wiccans organize on Halloween and crash the Christian gathering downtown. These are only three that come to mind that I witnessed myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love this town, this city has become so ecclectic and wonderful it all that it has to offer. It's not some cookie cutter city, it's a city filled with privately owned restaraunts, coffee shops, specialty stores and so much more. There are your chains, but they no longer define this town.

I know that I can't let fear keep me in the house and it hasn't, I am branching out and experiencing new things and we will be at storytime every week and I will give any and all new acquaintances a chance to get to know me as I get to know them.

I am just very much out of my element, away from my husband, and my own insecurities are spilling out.
The end.

3 comments:

The Willis Family said...

I love Madelyn's butt as the "the end"!!! LOL!

I have so much to say, but not sure how to put it all in words. Your a great marine wife who supports your husband, and it is VERY difficult to be back home where everyone is still doing the same thing as when you left, and are still very close minded, but I am sure they are the first ones to have judgement on the world and the war, when they don't even have a clue as to what is going on outside of their hometown. Your in a hard spot right now, but just keep looking at the end in site!!!! Keep your head up as you always do and you'll be fine! I am sure that everyone there is intimidated by you!! You have ventured outside of your town, and has seen and experienced life! Do I need to worry that your in the corner sitting on the floor rocking yourself back and forth???

Froggylady said...

Are you kidding me? Sitting in a corner...have you met my daughter? I am coping just fine, I just had to get some feelings written out.

The Lowe Family said...

i too picture you holdiong ur knees in the fetile position rocking urself to happiness and a "happy place". i hope ur okay.

i know what u mean. my little town of rockwall (although not liberal at all) would always give me odd looks when i would tell them my husband is gone because he's a marine. they acted like i was crazy for the life i was living but only because they didn't live that life. i think they are jealous of our strength. you rock out with ur marine family and be proud.

if i were u i'd wear tshirts with guns and knives and skulls all over them shouting USMC!!!! be tough...be different!