Fear...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately and have come to realize that I have a lot of fear. Fears that I think are irrational until I hear something on the news and then I want to puke.

Recently a man left his two children in the car while he ran inside to grab dry cleaning. The car was running, the kids were OK and he could see the vehicle. Then he couldn't because it was stolen. With the kids inside. I wanted to beat the man about his head and face for this and as I saw the reunion of mom and kids 4 hours later (the car was left abandoned 7 miles from where it was stolen) I just couldn't imagine the horror they must have felt. They were 2 and 4 (or something like that) so old enough to be aware that they were in a car alone for 4 hours. Oh...and it was 90+degrees, those kids could have died!

I live in fear of somebody breaking into our house and taking Madelyn and I wouldn't know it because I'm sleeping.

I fear having to face somebody who breaks into my house because I'd have to shoot them and sometimes late at night I wonder how the clean up would go and if we'd have to move and what kind of therapy that would require. I'm a detail oriented crazy fear lady.

I live in fear of not doing well enough as a mom, always second guessing my decisions. Like right now all Madelyn wants to do is sit in her highchair and put a plastic bowl on her head and watch Noggin and grin at me periodically and say "hat". That can't be good, but I've tried 5 times to get her down and each time she says "no" and holds on to the tray so I figure she's got a good reason to hang out in there.

I live in fear of something happening to Chris. Or to Chris and I and then what would happen to Madelyn. We don't have the paperwork done yet for who would take care of her if I become a vegetable or if I'm just unconcious for a bit. It's a scary world out there!

I live in fear of missing something that causes my family pain. Like not relatching the cleaning cabinet, or Madelyn sneaking off and drowning in the toilet.

I fear that we're not going to be able to grow our family and it makes me sad.

I fear that I have too much anxiety and fear and am a total weirdo.

I know at least one of my friends is this way too (looking at you partner in anxiety whom I won't name but you know who you are and your rechecking ovens and door locks).

What do you fear?

Comments

Bonnie said…
All of that now that you mention it. I'm scared to death that I'll have an aneurysm while I'm at home with Emmalyn and she'll be alone in the house with dead mama. I'm also afraid that there will be a fire at night in between the kids' rooms and mine and I won't be able to get to them. I'm also afraid that there will be an earthquake during the day and my kids will get buried under the school walls and I won't find them. I'm also scared that every time my husband leaves for work that he may not make it back.. how could I make sure that my young children will know how great he was.

Thanks for reminding me of all the stuff that scares the crap out of me!
Sumpffamilie said…
Um.. Hi! It's me. Didn't think you would call me out like that haha. But it's funny, because as I read on and on, I kept saying "I KNOW RIGHT?!" and then there it was... you knew I was agreeing all the way. I love you hon, and as we grow old, we will know that we can both go to the old folks home and laugh about how we are now so old, and all this worrying did nothing for us!
whatamandamade said…
jeez you sound just like mom, "what was that, did you hear that?" but i guess it makes sense since you are a mom but you should not worry about things you have no control over. easier said than done i know. and if anything does ever happen to you and or chris dont worry about madelyn, well other than the rest of the family argues over who gets her but she will be well taken care of. love you.

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