Pour your heart out Wednesday

Here are the Rules:

Pour Your Heart Out

Wednesdays

Write a post from the heart.

Something that has been weighing on you.

Something you feel passionately about.

Something you've been wanting to talk about.

A cause, a memory, a belief, a world view.

Anything.

There is no assigned topic, but if you are stumped, read some of the posts that are linked, and get ideas from there!

I hate that I even have to say this, but, whether you are participating or just reading, please keep in mind that the people linking really are sharing something from the heart. So, please, BE RESPECTFUL. We might not agree with each other, but we can all accept someone's right to have a different opinion than we do and NOT attack someone because of this. Play nice. :)

My husband and I both grew up surrounded by family, we had grandparents that we saw multiple times a week, and spent so much time with extended family. Our families played a huge part in our lives.

Being a military family, we live on the other side of the country from all of Madelyn's grandparents, aunts, uncles, everybody...it weighs so heavy on my heart that she may be missing out on something so wonderful that Chris and I both enjoyed. I remember summers with my grandparents, we would go for week-long visits to the lake, I would have sleepovers with my great aunt where we'd stay up way past my bedtime playing card games. Every holiday was a huge event with food, cousins, playing, pictures, and laughter. When I say every holiday, I mean, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Family Reunion, Birthdays, and any other reason we could think of to get together and eat. Those times are some of my happiest memories, the traditions started there.

As Easter is coming up, I think back to Easter egg hunts in my Granny's back yard with all the cousins running around hunting for them, about hiding the eggs in my grandfathers tulips and on the door handles of his car. I think about loading up our plates with food, taking 20 minutes to say goodbye because of hugging everyone in the house, and family pictures where it was a miracle if we got everyone looking at the camera and smiling at the same time. The subsequent "funny faces" picture that we took with arms crazy and tongues out. I think back to these wonderful memories that I have and I wonder what kind of memories Madelyn will have. It's just the two of us this year for Easter and as much as I try to make it fun and fabulous, I know that anything I can do will never measure up to the wonderful memories I have.

We will dye eggs, I will hide plastic jellybean filled eggs in the yard, we will go to church...but will it be enough? I worry that I can't be enough for her. I want to have our own traditions, but I feel like our traditions can never measure up to the memories Chris and I have of our childhoods and it breaks my heart.

The rational part of me knows that she's only 2, that there is plenty of time to make memories, that we won't always live an expensive plane ticket away from family, but the mom in me, the sentimental part, just can't help feeling that she's missing out something awesome.

I don't want to leave this post sounding like Madelyn doesn't have a great relationship with our families, she does. She talks about her grandparents and great-grandparents often, she talks to them on the phone and asks to call them. She remembers everyone when we go home to visit and what she loves to do at each of their houses. She has a very strong bond with each and every one of them even though she only see them every now and then. I have made it a priority that when we are home, that she gets quality time with family members, and I know that she doesn't know any different so for her, her time with grandparents is wonderful and she will look at it fondly. I just know that it could be more.